November 17th 2020

Working with my risograph material I mentioned in the previous entry, I felt so emotional. I felt it in my body, this weird pulsing, tense and release and tense and release and tense and dot dot dot. Rapid fire. But under the surface, enveloping, wallowing, not overwhelming not too stimulating. I have been weaving it and I'm going to put it together in a "book". A classmate of mine, Marsha, said that even calling it a book is transcending the ideas of how we understand books. Transcending the ideas of what it means to read a book, because to read my book you need to touch it, hold it, get the ink on your fingers cause the pages are still wet.

I think my gender identity is transcendent. Trans as in transcendent.

Thinking about my explorations with the GoPro self portraiture videos and how the slight distortion of the video felt like a truer, more authentic capturing of my essence, I want to explore that with physical altering of self portraits. Also this gives me an opportunity to get more experience in photography because I still feel to TIGHT and TENSE and UNEDUCATED and UNEXPERIENCED. UNCOMFORTABLE. with the prospect of photography as a tool for communication. I feel like weaving together pictures of myself could capture this more transcendent nature of who I am. I am boundless. I am everything.

I want them to be moody. I want them to be sexy. I want them to exist in space that is rich. In color in texture.

I think that the harmonies in some of these songs, specifically Gemini Sh*t, evokes this transcendent feeling. I exist in a harmony and not a single long held note. Multiple single held notes. This whole album is so sexy though! You have to listen to the whole thing in order, please for me! Also the song ARRORRÓ by Nathy Peluso, that makes my heart sing. Really specifically my heart, then it moves up into my throat.